God has given me the ability to speak freely to others, about our first baby, without crying, but whenever I feel like he's leading me to share this situation on "paper", I struggle getting through it, so this post will be short. I do want to follow it with more about how God was Jehovah Jireh (Our Provider) and Jehovah Rapha (Our Healer) in my next post. I am only putting this "out there" because I know there are so many men and women hurting and are desperate for answers to why they are going through difficult, heart-wrenching situations. This is the beginning of me becoming more transparent, as to honor the Lord and to help the brokenhearted.
The letter below was written by my incredibly thoughtful husband, who actually buried our son 7 years ago.
August 28, 2006
There were a few things that I thought you needed to hear from
your baby boy today ... as I know that today and each of the days to come will
be challenging.
First and foremost, I wanted to be sure to tell
you how much I love you mommy! You've told me so many times ... so I wanted to
tell you today.
I can remember hearing all of your prayers as you and daddy
would talk to Jesus about me. I wanted to say thank-you for praying for me. It's great to have
a mommy and daddy who love Jesus so much and talk to Him about me.
I know that you and daddy
found out early on that I was sick and knew this for quite
some time. This had to be hard for you. I can remember how concerned you
were when
you and daddy first found out at St.
Vincent's Hospital. I recall
the two of you
embracing, crying, and praying in the parking deck for me. I even remember
daddy asking God to take His life instead of mine, if my sickness was occurring
for anything that he had
done. It was so difficult for both of you and I'm sorry you had to receive the
bad news.
But, you never gave up
mommy. You kept fighting for me. I remember all of the things
the medical professionals
said, but you kept praying and talking to Jesus as you had to
undergo all of those tests and doctors' appointments. This had
to be terrible for you ... but you kept asking Jesus for a miraculous healing
up until the last minute Thursday (August 24th) when you delivered me. Yet, when I was born ... .it seemed that the miracle didn't come ..... that your prayers
weren't heard.
But
mommy, I want you to know that Jesus did heal me. Your prayers were answered. I
might not have been healed to be with you and daddy .... but I received the
best healing ever .... the ultimate healing. As you know, my eyes never opened
to see daylight, but the first thing I did see is what the Bible calls the
"Light of the World" in John chapter 8.
Mommy,
I'm with Jesus now. I want
you to know that it's better here than you could
ever imagine.
I'm not sick anymore. I have
no infirmities. I've been made well. Just as Jesus asked for the children to
come to Him in Mark 10, Jesus has called me to be with Him. I'm here in heaven
with Jesus. I wish you and daddy could see me now.
Mommy,
always know that I love you and daddy. I look forward to the day that we will get to see each other again. Meanwhile,
I'll worship Jesus here while you worship Him there.
Your
Son,
Joshua
